Bogus Gold

My fellow MOBsters,

Four score and seven days ago (Or thereabouts. I’m rounding. Suffice it to say, this bit has dragged on for quite a while.), a call was put out for you to choose the Mayor of the Minnesota Organization of Bloggers using the time-honored device of a KAR sidebar poll. Today the election finally draws to a close, as my honorable and ravenous opponent, KAR's own Dementee, conceded the election.

On the night of his own election to the presidency in 1980, Ronald Wilson Reagan spoke about how humble the news made him. I would like to echo those sentiments. I would like to, however, that would be a lie. This mayor stuff is going right to my head. I’m just one drink shy of spouting off like Mussolini on a balcony (sidebar: Mussolini on a Balcony = good blog name).

It was an election full of surprises, from the outrageous scandal of ballot-box stuffing, to shocking personal revelations published by irresponsible Internet journalists, rumored to have posted in their underwear.

I would like to thank my opponent for his graceful concession. I would like to thank all of those who voted for me, especially those who thought they were casting a vote for Atomizer but were confused by the ballot. Inebriation is lubricant to the gears of democracy!

And now, on to the good stuff.

As Mayor of the MOB, it is my privilege... nay... my duty to issue empty proclamations and appoint sycophants cronies worthy individuals to important useful impressive-sounding positions.

My First Proclamation: By the authority invested in me in my capacity as Mayor of the Minnesota Organization of Blogs, for their chicanery in the course of the mayoral election (with a side-helping of St. Kate scaring the willies out of young Kevin) The MAWB Squad is declared officially illegal.

Some might find this declaration somewhat awkward for me, as my own wife is (when the occasional mood strikes her) a member of said Squad. This is what we call Statesmanship! It reflects the courageous adherence to principle over the personal you can come to expect of me while in office. Plus, I'm pretty sure she'll never read this post.

Announcements of the incredibly important sounding mayoral cabinet will be forthcoming shortly. I am currently mulling over my short-list. Applicants Supplicants can use the comments to apply beg for consideration.

Bribes will absolutely not be tolerated!