Moron Mail: The Beat(ing) Goes On
While Learned Foot is busy covering Mitch's blog, writing about Bruce Springsteen and whatnot I presume, someone has to step up and police the Star Tribune Letters to the Editor. Today that someone is me.
Playing the role of Rodney King to my aggressive policing is one Larry "The Loon of Two Harbors" Zozbot. Or something like that. He's got a Z in his name anyway, which presumably stands for "Zany." Or "Zero." Or "Zucking stupid."
Larry received the supreme honor of having his letter named "Letter of the Day," by that crack (addled) Star Tribune letters page staff. And in so doing he provided a little textbook example of how one might go about achieving a similar honor.
A. Start with a historical anecdote from a time that strokes liberals' comfort zone. If your letter criticizes the president, for example, Watergate is always a safe choice.
B. Boldly kiss the asses of the Strib's editors.
C. Make a half-assed attempt to tie your comfy anecdote to something relevant to your point. Note: Don't work too hard at this part. The effort alone is sufficient.
D. Launch an ad hominem attack against a Republicans, while lauding Democrats as heroes.
It really is that easy, folks. Thanks Loony Larry, for the fine tutorial.
Incidentally Loony Larry, should you at some point want to turn this letter into an actual coherent argument, here's a helpful tip for you:
When the parallel you're trying to draw involves abusing the English language to twist the truth, it's probably best not to demonstrate your own inability to distinguish between a word describing a previous act of military service and a phrase describing a contemporary policy position. Because you might discover that veterans can and do advocate cutting and running clear to the other side of the planet at times.
Oh... also... [sound of Larry being hit with Taser followed by sound of him collapsing to the ground]
Move along people. Nothing more to see here.
Playing the role of Rodney King to my aggressive policing is one Larry "The Loon of Two Harbors" Zozbot. Or something like that. He's got a Z in his name anyway, which presumably stands for "Zany." Or "Zero." Or "Zucking stupid."
Larry received the supreme honor of having his letter named "Letter of the Day," by that crack (addled) Star Tribune letters page staff. And in so doing he provided a little textbook example of how one might go about achieving a similar honor.
A. Start with a historical anecdote from a time that strokes liberals' comfort zone. If your letter criticizes the president, for example, Watergate is always a safe choice.
"How do you know that, Mr. Chairman?" asked John Ehrlichman at the Senate Watergate hearings.
Sen. Sam Ervin's reply: "Because I can understand the English language. It's my mother's tongue."
B. Boldly kiss the asses of the Strib's editors.
The June 10 editorial, "When faith trumps fact, words don't mean what they used to," astutely observed the corruption of today's language just as the late senator from North Carolina did 33 years ago.
C. Make a half-assed attempt to tie your comfy anecdote to something relevant to your point. Note: Don't work too hard at this part. The effort alone is sufficient.
The sad thing is Ervin's exchange was with a Nixon aide (Ehrlichman) who represented a deceptive White House that could not hold a candle to the Orwellian accomplishments of today's Bush administration and propagandist-in-chief, Karl Rove.
D. Launch an ad hominem attack against a Republicans, while lauding Democrats as heroes.
Where else but in a bizzarro, up-is-down universe can a cowardly chicken-hawk like Rove shamelessly label war veterans John Murtha and John Kerry "cut-and-runners"?
It really is that easy, folks. Thanks Loony Larry, for the fine tutorial.
Incidentally Loony Larry, should you at some point want to turn this letter into an actual coherent argument, here's a helpful tip for you:
When the parallel you're trying to draw involves abusing the English language to twist the truth, it's probably best not to demonstrate your own inability to distinguish between a word describing a previous act of military service and a phrase describing a contemporary policy position. Because you might discover that veterans can and do advocate cutting and running clear to the other side of the planet at times.
Oh... also... [sound of Larry being hit with Taser followed by sound of him collapsing to the ground]
Move along people. Nothing more to see here.
Posted by Doug Williams on
Tuesday June 20, 2006 at 4:03pm
