Bogus Gold

I was riding in to work this morning listening to Laura Ingraham on the radio. To be more precise I listened to Laura Ingraham descend into self-parody on the radio this morning.

She was reading some article in the Washington Post about "Tila Tequila," in one of her "culture watch" segments. Here's the part I heard her read in her usual sing-song "can you believe what the peasants are up to now" tone...

WOODLYN, Pa. -- Internet star Tila Tequila is grousing from her perch in the back corner of Bootleggers, a noisy, beer-poster-splattered bar in a suburban strip mall somewhere between Philadelphia and Wilmington, Del. She's here to meet some "friends," of which she has many. But it is obvious she'd rather be elsewhere. She's hungry. Tired. Leery of the tottering guy in the cowboy hat who won't go away, who keeps whispering into her ear.

It's not easy being a MySpace queen!

Tila Tequila is something like the Paris Hilton of cyber-celebrities, genus famous-for-being-famous. She says her talents include looking attractive, being loud and being accessible to any pimply dork with a computer. She calls herself a musician, but that point is debatable.

She's a star by virtue of her 1.7 million virtual "friends" on the social-networking site MySpace, where her success has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. On average, she receives more than a thousand new friend requests every day, from people she doesn't know. She's such a major online presence -- all those digi-friends! all that attitude! all those half-naked photos !-- that PC World just named her one of the "50 Most Important People on the Web."

Interspersed with this was the usual snarky commentary, which was fine. I mean... No one with the name "Tila Tequila" is begging to be taken too seriously; and the concept of having 1.7 million "friends" you've never even met is a rather funny notion possible only in the internet age. And I suppose it's telling in a sad way that this is the kind of person who could be considered one of the 50 most important people on the web (probably knocking John Hinderacker off the list to boot, the fiend!).

But then Laura had to take it one step farther, almost making me shoot water out my nose and end up in a ditch beside the cross-town highway. She had to change into her "serious" tone and say...

"Just think if all those 1.7 million people spent their time becoming friends with our troops serving in Iraq."

To which those in the High Holy Church of Right Wing Parody uttered the expected chorus of amens, I'm sure. But think this through now...

A. It's likely some of those 1.7 million "Tila friends" are some of "the troops" themselves.
B. It's also likely that some of those 1.7 million "Tila friends" also have friends or family members serving in the military.
C. After spending the better part of a whole segment mocking people who would follow this vapid celebrity as idiots, why would Laura think our troops would want these geeky losers as friends?
D. It is entirely possible, however unlikely, that not every damn thing that happens in the world ties directly into Laura Ingraham's amazing - and, some might say, market tested and frequently flogged - devotion to the troops.

The whole dang thing, from the smug snarking about Internet losers caged as "watching our culture," to the oh-so-serious call for "supporting the troops," to prove she is far above such people, came off like a slickly-produced, political snake-oil peddler sucking in the rubes with her practiced spiel yet again. Which, come to think of it, might just describe her show these days.