Bogus Gold

While shoveling my driveway clear of four more inches of the fluffy white stuff this morning I tried to imagine what kind of thoughts I'd be having if I were a Minnesota liberal doing the same thing. I got things like...

"Ha, ha, Global Warming! You're not fooling anyone. We all know cold and snow is just as much a proof you exist as heat waves. Your days are numbered! Obama is on to your game!"

"I'm tired of shoveling snow from my drive. I think I'll move someplace warmer vote for politicians promising to control the climate by regulating human industry."

"Stupid rethuglicans are probably going to say this means there's no Global Warming. Stupid anti-science deniers! How can science advance when the rethug deniers are allowed to keep questioning things? I'm sure freedom of speech wasn't meant to cover that."

"Oh my God, this is the worst winter ever! Why isn't our government doing something to stop it?! It's probably that smarmy Tim Pawlenty again. First he destroys our bridges and now this!"

"Why are we giving into the demands of the Patriarchy that insists we need clear, shoveled driveways anyway? If only we could learn to live in better harmony with nature, we could just accept that snow is supposed to be on our driveways in the winter. Duh!"

"If only we raised taxes to cover basic snow removal, no one would have to shovel their own driveway. I'd sure pay more for that kind of better Minnesota."

Admittedly, it was kind of painful to put my brain in those places, but it helped pass the time. Any salient lefty stereotypes I forgot?