Bogus Gold

I've been thinking a lot about the topic of global warming the past couple of weeks, not necessarily because I had any scintillating new insight into the matter, but rather because I kept stumbling across increasingly hysterical news articles and opinion pieces about it.

Odd, I thought, considering it's been a rather cold year and a particularly cold December. One would think it to be a less than opportune time to wail and moan about how phenomenally warm things are becoming. But then, that's because I still think about weather like a sensible human being raised in the Midwest; griping about it when it annoys me and chuckling about how unpredictable it is at other times.

But there is a whole other category of people out there who find the topic of weather not serious and deep enough for them. Weather is for benighted savages of inner Pogo-Pogo, perhaps, but modern, educated people only care about the Climate any more. And the cool thing about caring about Climate is, apparently, that it has nothing whatsoever to do with the weather. See that blizzard out your window? You ignorant, backward people think that means the weather is cold. But those who concern themselves with Climate realize it means absolutely nothing at all.

And then they go and write advice to the incoming president saying things like...

With the recession deepening and numerous other world crises brewing, President-elect Barack Obama may be tempted to postpone any action on global warming until after his first year in office. This would be a huge mistake for a host of reasons, but most particularly because time is running out for mankind to take the needed actions to thwart the most disastrous effects of climate change.

The planet is not merely approaching a perilous situation when it comes to the effects of man-made greenhouse gases; that day has already arrived. The relevant scientific community has reached a clear consensus: Many decades of unchecked fossil fuel consumption has pushed the planet far beyond the natural cycle, and the impact of this enhanced warming, especially the forecast rise in sea level this century, could ultimately lead to human suffering on an epic scale.

As you can see, people who worry about the Climate have far more important things on their mind than a few extra snowflakes. Because, you see, the world is right on the precipice of disaster. Mankind has ruined nature, and now we're all going to pay. Don't look outside your window for the proof. Look instead to the relevant scientific community.

You know who we're talking about right? The relevant scientific community. *wink wink* That means all the scientists who issued the warnings about how mankind is causing global warming and dooming the planet. Don't pay any attention to those irrelevant scientists who question that hypothesis. Didn't you hear? Time is running out!

And because of all that relevant science, we must ignore the state of the economy so that...

During the campaign, Mr. Obama pledged to take many of the necessary steps to move the nation toward a low-carbon economy. He endorsed a reasonable cap-and-trade system that would help reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 80 percent by 2050. And he promised to move the country away from foreign oil and toward renewable energy and so-called green jobs.

Nothing has changed that should defer these goals.

Of course that leads to certain tricky issues. After all, with Climate doomsday predictions as the proof of relevance there aren't many more relevant scientists out there than James Hansen. And he has this to say to President-elect Obama: This is no time for namby-pamby cap and trade schemes!

Hansen wrote that there is a "profound disconnect" between public policy on climate change and the magnitude of the problem as described by the science. He praised Obama's campaign rhetoric about "a planet in peril", but said that how the new president responds in office will be crucial. The letter contains a wish list of three policy measures to tackle global warming.

Hansen lambastes the current international approach of setting targets to be met through "cap and trade" schemes as not up to the task. "This approach is ineffectual and not commensurate with the climate threat. It could waste another decade, locking in disastrous consequences for our planet and humanity," the Hansens wrote.

Hansen insists upon a more radical course than anything previously promised by the incoming president. He wants to ban coal plants. He wants a new carbon tax that does not add to government coffers, but rather redistributes wealth away from the hands of heavy carbon producers and into the hands of everyone else. And he wants lots of new "fourth generation" nuclear plants to be built.

That's a pretty hefty card for a new president to carry even without a worldwide financial crisis going on. But please remember... it's for the Climate. We only have just the narrowest amount of time to stave off imminent disaster.

Unless we're already too late. In that case it's obviously time to ask ourselves "What would Bruce Willis do if he was playing some kind of super scientist averting disaster in a big-budget Hollywood movie?" If you ask yourself that, you already know where this is going. We need some giant space mirrors. Stat!

An emergency "Plan B" using the latest technology is needed to save the world from dangerous climate change, according to a poll of leading scientists carried out by The Independent. The collective international failure to curb the growing emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere has meant that an alternative to merely curbing emissions may become necessary.

The plan would involve highly controversial proposals to lower global temperatures artificially through daringly ambitious schemes that either reduce sunlight levels by man-made means or take CO2 out of the air. ...

... and among the radical fixes mentioned is...

Giant mirrors in space

Some scientists suggest it would be possible to deflect sunlight with a giant mirror or a fleet of small mirrors between the Earth and the Sun. The scheme would be costly and prompt debate over who controls it. Many scientists see it as contrary to the idea of working with the Earth's systems.

Does anyone think we're getting a wee bit ahead of ourselves here? I mean we've leapt from ignoring one of the coldest years in decades all the way to building giant space mirrors to protect us from all the warmth. I know the Climate is an awfully important thing. I just think that maybe, perhaps, could be, we don't quite have it all figured out yet. Wasn't it just earlier this year we were told the polar bear was endangered, not because its numbers were in decline, but just... duh. Where are they going to live when all the ice melts? Townhouses? Slam dunk endangered, baby. Take that to the bank.

Or, ya know, maybe not...

Thanks to a rapid rebound in recent months, global sea ice levels now equal those seen 29 years ago, when the year 1979 also drew to a close.

Ice levels had been tracking lower throughout much of 2008, but rapidly recovered in the last quarter. In fact, the rate of increase from September onward is the fastest rate of change on record, either upwards or downwards.

The data is being reported by the University of Illinois's Arctic Climate Research Center, and is derived from satellite observations of the Northern and Southern hemisphere polar regions.

I know, I know... talking about just the arctic instead of the whole planet at once is perilously close to talking about weather rather than Climate, but wasn't melting sea ice supposed to be one of our main clues this warming was going on? Can we really afford to ignore tiny details like that as we plan to launch our shiny new fleet of giant space mirrors?

Alright I confess. I'm having a hard time believing all this worrying about the Climate is doing us any good at all. Back in the days when we worried about the weather we seemed a lot more sensible. We expected things to change and be unpredictable, and we adapted and made do. We took sensible precautions to things we thought likely to occur, but sometimes had to deal with the totally unexpected.

But you know, small and local though it was, we never thought we could pass some laws and change the weather. Yet somehow it's now a near certainty in certain circles that we can pass some laws and change the Climate.

Call me crazy, but the old way seems a lot more sensible to me.